Episode 62: Sissy Goff
Sissy Goff joins me for Episode 62. She is the Director of Child & Adolescent Counseling at Daystar outside of Nashville. She’s been a counselor for 24 years and is also an author of the books Raising Girls, Intentional Parenting, Raising Boys & Girls and the latest Are My Kids On Track. I truly enjoyed chatting with her. I wish we lived near her so that my girls and myself could benefit from who she is. She may have thought I was kidding, but I literally had at least 30 questions I wanted to ask her. We didn’t cover everything on my list so the good news is that she will be coming back on the show in the future!
But in today’s episode, we chat about anxiety in our kids, parenting personalities, how to assume the best in your kids and how to develop our girls self-worth. This is an episode full of goodness. I’m praying for you all as you raise girls, love girls in ministry, love nieces and grand girls. So pull up a chair to my kitchen table and join the conversation.
I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Sissy. I think one of the biggest takeaways for me was the idea that maybe parenting has more to do with my own sanctification than the result of who I’m raising. That was one of the most freeing moments of realization. I know that God is working on me, but seeing it through the eyes of the Refiner changes it for me. It's not about punishing me. It's not about me doing all the right things in order to raise the “right” kids. @@Parenting is about letting God do His sanctifying work in me so that I reflect His image more@@.
- Freeing Your Child From Anxiety by Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.
- Enneagram test
- Sissy's newest book: Are My Kids On Track
- Sissy's books: Raising Girls // Intentional Parenting // Modern Parents, Vintage Values // The Back Door To Your Teen's Heart// Mirrors And Maps: A Girl's Guide To Becoming a Teen // Growing Up Without Getting Lost: Discovering Your Identity In Christ // Raising Boys & Girls: The Art of Understanding Their Differences
- Surviving Sarah episode with David Thomas about raising boys
Takeaways From Our Conversation:
- Sometimes one of the biggest anxiety triggers in our kids is our own anxiety. If we hover over them then they think that they can't do. We need to teach them to be brave--being brave doesn't mean you aren't afraid. We need to let them be brave in the midst of being afraid. "To work through the anxiety, you just have to do the scary thing." We have to teach them the tools to work through it.
- Pull out the good in something that is potentially harmful. For instance, when my child is having a strong reaction to me about something. I need to notice to her that strong emotions aren't bad, and one day you will do something great with that, but today directed at me isn't the best option.
- Kids (and adults) have to retrain their brains and that takes time.
- @@Your child will never validate who you are@@.
- Girls reserve their most negative emotions for home. So how can we notice the good? Pray like crazy that God would give you the eyes to see the good that they are doing. Teach yourself to think that way--write down three things that you saw her do the day before that were life giving or thoughtful. Really think about her strengths.
- Every girl in early adolescence will struggle with self-esteem. We need to make sure to talk about how that is normal to feel that way. When something goes wrong in a girl's world, a girl will blame herself.
- How can we build their self-esteem? Girls who are delighted more feel more delightful. We need to find ways to enjoy our girls for who they are. Helping kids to give somewhere builds self-esteem. I heard my boss Reggie Joiner say, "@@If you want them to feel significant, then give them something significant to do@@."
Thank you for following along life with me. I love being apart of your day. And as always, I hope this show helps you survive a little easier.
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